The Suitcase of Courage

First 1/2 of Bethel Series & a Plainville

(typical scene during my rides from November to March)

Well now....

There have been a few happenings in SOC land this past month, mostly race-related (who wants to hear how busy it's been at work with all the gun control stuff?  Nah, me either...)

But speaking of work, just briefly - and as it relates to this here blog - Mrs. SOC is now working all full timey and whatnot up at the Asylum state legislature with me.  Well, we're at least in the same building - different chamber (Senate vs. House), different floor, etc.  But at least we get to commute together.  It's been about 10 years since she's worked full time outside the house (she'd been working at home/telecommuting) and that takes just a little adjusting to.  We discovered with her working just about the same crazy hours I do that we usually need both weekend days to get caught up on all the around-the-house stuff.  That's bad news and good news: Bad news is that she's not able to make it to races much & the lack of pics and videos diminishes the reasons y'all may want to check in - and my motivation for writing.  Good news though is that, despite the crazy schedule, she still wants me to race.  Which is very cool.

(Aki starts them early)

As has been the case the past few years, my racing season actually starts with a broom the day before the first race of the season.  SDC, who promotes the Bethel Spring Series of races, does an excellent job of making sure the track is ready for the season.  But he's the first to admit that many hands make light work.

Some years are harder than others - 2011 being the worst in recent memory - but even with the kind assistance of the Town of Bethel, there was still plenty for us all to do to get things all nice and safe for the racers on March 3rd.

In addition to brooms & shovels, we also bring our bikes.  So after the track is all chipped, shoveled, swept, and blown, we usually do a few practice laps - at varying levels of intensity.  Since this was the first day my road bike had been outside since Thanksgiving, I was anxious to make sure that everything still worked right - both body and machine.

The next day - First Race of the Season - was super cold and windy, with the extra shot of adrenaline that comes from seeing how the first few laps are gonna feel.  Fortunately, while it was fast and every time we turned onto the backstretch it felt like we hit a wall of wind, it was a good, safe race.  There were 93 starters in our Cat3/4 field and teammate BJ came in 6th, securing our first points of the series.  I did better than I expected, coming in 26th after my work for the team was done.

A stomach problem the following Saturday night into Sunday morning kept me from racing the 2nd week of the series and I thought missing a race would mean I'd be psyched and pumped for the next race.  But when the alarm went off that 3rd Sunday morning, I was anything but motivated to get up and race.  If anything, it was even colder and more windy than that first week.  Racing was the last thing I wanted to do.  Then I remembered that it was the anniversary of a bad crash that happened last year, one that took one of our fellow racers from us all too soon.  I thought SDC would appreciate some support and, besides, I really needed to be there if for no other reason than that I could be there.

(flowers left by the memorial at the start/finish line. A very nice touch.  Many thanks to whoever left them)

I don't remember much about the day other than the fact that I was noticeably subdued.  You know how long drives alone can sometimes be.  You start thinking way too much.  It's generally a good thing to pause, reflect and take some time to reevaluate.  But sometimes it just gives your mind too much freedom to do too much second-guessing.  And if you're on your way to a bike race, you start seriously questioning why you're putting yourself through such agony, on a cold, windy day, when most folks are enjoying Sunday brunch by a fire.  Case in point: by the time I got to the track I'd pretty much decided that this would be my last Bethel.  I even asked a teammate whether he was all set for wheels, being willing to pass on my "permanently loaned" tubulars to him if needed.

So I kitted up, not really expecting anything special.  The race played out as it usually does, but I didn't race as I usually do.  I'm typically pretty conservative, wanting to be sure to have enough matches left at the end to be helpful to teammates for a leadout or whatever.  But figuring this would be the last time I raced here, I got to the front and did a lot of chasing, bridging, etc.  Well, as much as I could without totally blowing myself up.  Things stayed together and teammate BJ came in 2nd - out of 120 starters (a record for this field) - and secured a bunch more points for the team.  And, incidentally, I had a pretty good finish too - coming in 21st despite the work I'd done.  Out of that large a field, I was pretty happy.  And "pretty happy" - especially on that day - was pretty great.  Certainly better than it'd started out.  Hanging out with my teammates, helping marshal after the race, reminded me of one of the main reasons I continue to do this craziness.

If I needed another reminder, I got it at Plainville the following weekend.  The Plainville Spring Series is 4 week Saturday series right in the middle of the Bethel series.  Some of my first races were here and it was my go-to series before I started going to Bethel.  It's a flat, fast track and doesn't have the "seperating" hill that Bethel has.  Consequently, folks can sometimes get in over their heads here - going faster than they're really comfortable and over-cooking corners.  A rash of crashes a few years back tipped the scales toward Bethel for me, despite the hill and its being farther away.

The first race of the series had been cancelled due to snow, but Team EXPO got right near the top of the individual and team classifications in the Cat3/4 race the 2nd week.  Teammate Stan won that race and teammate TJ got 5th.  So I decided to get in on the fun the 3rd week this past Saturday.  It wasn't as cold as it has been, the sun was out, but it was even WINDY-er (a big problem when the parking is so far from the start line, and you have wheel bags to carry while riding your bike.  Just sayin').  The field wasn't nearly as large as what I'd gotten used to at Bethel, but still respectable with a few good-sized teams, including friend Anthony's team CLR. 

As expected, it was fast from the start and - as much as expected - for the first few laps I thought "man! I'm gonna have to work hard to keep from getting dropped!"  Hadn't felt THAT in a while, but the smallish field meant little shelter, and I was suffering.  But, determined to do what I could for Stan & TJ, I worked my way to the front and tried to jump on anything that attacked.  After a bunch of laps and many attempts, a break finally stuck and - thankfully - two of our guys were in it: Stan and Lance.

While they worked the break, our team helped shut down the field.  We jumped on anything that tried to bridge.  As a result, the break almost lapped the field.  As it was, the pack was forced to end their race with 5(?) laps to go so the break could fight out the finish.

As you can see, we were pretty happy with how things were playing out.  We were even happier when we saw Lance take 2nd and Stan take 4th.  And that they'd taken all of the primes.

So - that reminder of why I continue to do this craziness? - it's the blast I have while racing with friends and teammates.  Sure, great results are, well, great.  But they're only the icing on a very filling cake.

The only downside of the day - and, unfortunately, a big downside at that - was discovering later that one of our teammates that I don't know - "Doc" - went down hard and broke some bones.  He'll be in the hospital for a few days, but will hopefully be back to racing before too long.  Get well soon Doc!

With tired legs, but also with a new shot of motivation, I went to Sunday's race at Bethel looking to help get BJ into the leader's jersey and have a blast doing it.

Well, 1 outta 2 ain't bad I guess.  I had a blast, feeling better during the race than expected despite having raced hard the previous day, but our team didn't do so well - all of us finishing far outside points for the day.  One personal consolation: I came in 11th out of 82 starters - my 2nd best finish here, ever.

For most everybody else in the world, Monday is the start of the work week and the door that slams shut on our weekend.  But for me - after a full weekend of racing - it's a rest day, a chance to recover and reflect on the fact that I'm blessed enough to be able to do this bike racing thing.  I'm blessed to be healthy, to have a very supportive spouse, and really cool teammates and friends.  Sure, I have to go back to the office and face all the things that have been waiting for me since Friday.  But with my new Carpe Diem Racing coffee mug, my memories of races past, and my hopes for upcoming races, it makes Manic Monday just a little easier to take.

And if that alone isn't enough of a reason for me to get me out of bed early on a weekend morning and ride my bicycle in circles really, really fast, I'm not sure what is.

 

Summertime... And the livin' is, um, just a little bit crazy

Ok, really?  I haven't posted since July 11th?  That's just crazy, especially at the height of the summer racing season.  Especially for a blog that's supposed to be about racing.  Well, at least mostly.

Fact is, while I've been doing the weekly races at the Rent', I haven't been doing much other racing.  The Attleboro crit was cancelled, much to my disappointment.  After doing it again last year (having missed it for the previous 4 years), I vowed to make it a regular part of my season.  Not this year I guess.  I also missed another staple of my summer racing season - the Naugatuck crit - since I was on vacation with the Missus (a good excuse, I'd say).  I skipped the Lime Rock crit (July 29) and there was no Rent' on the 31st.  My main August race - the Fall River crit - was also cancelled.  Major bummer since I've always done well there (including two podiums/podia?).

Other than race cancellations, there's been a lot of non-race life going on the past couple of months as well.  Mrs. SOC's dad went into the hospital for a stem cell transplant in early July.  He's had non-Hodgkins lymphoma for many years, but it evolved into full blown Hodgkins earlier this year.  The transplant was successful and his hospital stay about as good as one could expect, but he had some complications in early August that put him back in the hospital for another bunch of days.  Thankfully, his prognosis is good and he's doing much better now.

Also in mid-July, we made a trip up to Vermont to say goodbye to a dear older friend who passed away the previous month, and in early August we got some bad news about another friend who has cancer and spent some time with her.  Too much sickness out there.  It really makes you appreciate what you have.  But it also creates a strange mixture of emotions: on the one hand, you want to affirm your life in every way possible, but at the same time it's hard to get excited and motivated about doing very much.

So it's been an unusual mid-summer for us in SOC land to say the least.  But with the racing season winding down (at least for me; I don't race 'cross), it's a good time to bring you up to speed.  Or at least for me to record some of the fun things we've done since I last posted.  So, in chronological order...

Rent' Race - July 17

Another HOT race, in both temperatures and speed.  I went with some early moves, but nothing stuck and it ended up proving my undoing.  A combination of hot temperatures, local leg-breakers, and my uncharacteristic experimentation conspired against me.  I did my best to hang on, but in a disappointing repeat of the previous week, I eventually pulled the plug and allowed myself to get lapped.  The heart rate graph tells the tale:

Cape Cod Vacation - July 21-24

I didn't ride again until we got to Cape Cod later that week.  We stayed at the same B&B we did for last year's anniversary and even got the same room with a view.  Usually, you can't keep me off my bike when I'm on the Cape - the roads and scenery are just too awesome.  It's been a while since we'd been there during the height of the summer season, but for some reason the traffic this time around seemed especially crazy.  Between that and wanting to spend maximum time with the Missus (and not wanting to wake up extra early), I only rode one time the whole time we were there (Saturday through Tuesday).  But I made my one ride count, inadvertently reclaiming a Strava KOM I'd also inadvertently first won back in February(!).

Must be something about that particular stretch from Orleans to Chatham along the shore that gets the adrenaline pumping.

Well, that and the fact that Rt. 28 is crazy busy with traffic and there's little to no shoulder.

As cool as the KOM was, I didn't know about it at the time.  So the highlight of the ride was watching the Missus at her yoga class on the beach at Chatham.

New London Crit - July 28

CLR Racing deserves huge props for reversing the trend of cancellations and bringing the Whaling City Cyclone back to New London for 2012.  It's a great event and I wasn't going to miss it for anything - especially since it'd be on the same fun, technical track around the infamous Kelo property.  I hadn't raced here since 2009.  I chickened out of the 2010 edition after seeing the forecast - and it didn't end up raining.  It was cancelled last year, so this year - despite another forecast of rain, we packed up the car and went anyway.

We arrived in time to see our friends Heavy D and Dave Bailey get 2nd place in their races and with threatening skies, SDC and I lined up.  It was a fast race, despite the ups and downs and lefts and rights.  The worst of it was that there was really no place to recover or to even grab a drink.

Despite the undulations and corners, it was a fast race - almost 26 mph average - but it was also a race of attrition.  Riders were getting shelled and more than once I looked back, thinking I was still in the front half of the race, to see nobody behind me.  I'd started near the back and it took me about 1/3 of the race to even get near the front.  And once I did, I saw a split go and was determined to get in it.

Image courtesy CLR Racing

I eventually made it, but I'd burned a lot of matches to get there.  Unfortunately, the rest of the pack eventually made it too and the move was all for naught.

Again, the HR shows right where it happened:

Bill Yabroudy counterattacked and was away by himself for a lot of laps as the race wound down.  Once another couple of guys joined him, I figured that was it.  But even that move got caught with just a couple of laps left.   Unfortunately, I couldn't make it up to the front in time to contest the sprint for the top spots, but once I got going nobody passed me.  I was content with an official 12th place after such a tough race - but further consolation came from Strava, which "crowned" me as the KOM on the "Ft. Trumbull loop."

The rain started just as we finished packing up the car, and we had a nice lunch w/Mr. & Mrs. SDC across the Thames in Groton, watching the storm come in and the Long Island ferry go out.

 Rent' Race - August 7

The Rent' was canceled on July 31 so I didn't race again for another week and a half.  And after my lackluster July here, I was determined to at least not get lapped - again.  But this season it's been hard to just "sit in," no matter how much you plan to.  The races have been far too animated, with attacks flying, splits forming, and breaks going.  You never know which one is going to be THE one that sticks.  And even if you're not interested in being in the winning break, you have to cover moves to be sure you're not on the wrong side of a split - and then unceremoniously dropped.

So, despite my "plan" to "avoid attacking, covering attacks, and just sit in, not get lapped and finish" I found myself struggling to stay in the race.  It was like a "devil take the hindmost" race where the last riders are pulled until there's only one left.  You didn't want to be at the back.  Ergo, you needed to be near the front.  So much for my "plan."

When I saw a group of something like 6 guys split off the front - and assuming that the rest of the field would eventually either get lapped or dropped - I dug deep and bridged across.  But once I'd made it, I knew I didn't belong there.  They were motoring and pretty soon we had a 1/2 lap on the field.  I say "they" were motoring because I swear it felt like each time I took a turn at the front, the pace went down.  Then I started leaving gaps.  My pride didn't let me let somebody else close the gaps I made, so I closed them myself - eventually.  But the resulting elasticity was starting to grate on my break companions and finally one of them suggested I "go to the back and recover."

Well, I went to the back - and straight off.  There was no way I was getting back in that break.

"No matter" - I thought - "I'm still ahead of the field."  So I soft pedaled to recover and let the field catch me, confident that I was ahead of the game.

And I was, at that point at least.  A lot of strong guys had missed the break and there was no rest or recovery back in the pack.  To the field's credit, they were disciplined enough to keep at it and when the break ahead started playing games, the gap started closing.  When strongman Tim launched an attack to chase, I and another couple guys went with him, but I couldn't contribute much and felt that same imposter complex I did earlier in the race.  But nobody had to suggest this time that I make myself scarce.  My legs made that decision for me - and for the second time, I dropped back to (what was left of) the pack.

But at least I wasn't dropped and I wasn't lapped.  And - in the biggest surprise of all - I actually ended up winning the field sprint.  Of course there were only, like, 8 of us left in the field at that point.

Fastest race thus far - 26mph average.  And mission accomplished.

A Rail Trail Interlude - Kingston, August 8

With everything going on in "real life" (as opposed to bike racing), and welcoming a more-leisurely day on the bike, I thought the following day a perfect time to take the Missus out for a mid-week vacation day.  So we packed up the bikes and headed for the William O'Neill rail trail.

We started the day with a nice brunch at one of our favorite restaurants in Mystic and arrived in Kingston in plenty of time to get a ride in.  The trail goes along the old route of the Narragansett Pier Railroad from Kingston to Narragansett and, with no real hills to speak of and great scenery, it's the perfect route for a relaxing ride.

But the big payoff is at the end/turning point of the trail when you come out onto Narragansett Bay, with its cool breezes and crashing waves.  And at under 10 mph average, you have plenty of time to enjoy it all.

Rent' Race - August 14

FINALLY!  A field sprint!  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The temperature's getting noticeably cooler and the sun's getting to the horizon more quickly.  A lot of guys are either winding up their season, or taking a short breather before starting cyclocross season.  And, unfortunately, in at least one case the hiatus is unplanned and unwelcome.  Local legbreaker broke his pelvis on a training ride the previous Sunday, taking a lot of steam out of the race (get well soon Ben!).  There was still a lot of horsepower lining up last Tuesday, but some of the usual suspects that so often form the breaks weren't there.

And the race reflected their absence: no break stuck, and the average speed was the highest of the whole series so far - 26.9 mph(!)  How does that happen?  Easy - there's little elasticity, little easing up, and full gas the whole race.

Fortunately, it also is the type of race that tends to suit me.  I don't have to cover as many attacks since the high speed discourages attacks.  With few attacks, there's little chance for a break to form.  With no break, everyone's motivated thinking they have a chance, so any breaks are smothered before they have a chance to really get going.

So the race was mostly just going fast, trying to stay as sheltered as possible, and keeping out of trouble - especially in the corners.  Ironically, despite (or because of?) a warning before the race to keep speed up in the corners and not sit up, that's exactly what happened in corner two toward the end of the race.  We came into the corner fast, but inexplicably, everyone seemed to slow up.  That causes a chain reaction and by the time the last 1/2 of the field gets to that point, it's all hands on brakes.  I locked up my rear wheel and fishtailed a bit as the guy in front/to the side of me went into my front wheel, but we all stayed upright, fortunately.

This time, the speed graph tells the story - see where I about came to a stop:

 
You can also see that the speed went right back up and - because there were only a few laps left - right into the sprint.

I knew Kevin's wheel would be the one to get on, but unfortunately as he came by, I didn't have the snap I'd hoped.  I was right up there though and finally sprinted for real for one of the few times this season, coming in 6th.

This past Sunday marked the beginning of my last week of racing for 2012 - at least until the Jamestown Road Race Columbus Day.  But I always treat that as a pure fun, almost promenade, race.  Masters Championships at Ninigret, a Rent' race tonight, then the new Kermis this coming Friday and that's it for the crits for me this year.

Stay tuned for reports from all three races in my next post....

Long Time No Blog

Wow - this is probably some kind of record for this time of year.  It's been over a month since my last post(?!).  The main reason for this is very little/no racing.  In fact, despite the Rent' races starting for the year on May 15, due to weather cancellations there have only been two actual races - and I missed one of those due to work.  I'm certainly not in race shape, and no racing means no race reports, means little blog fodder.

But, like you, I've been busy.  Mrs Suitcase and I have been doing some long-overdue yardwork.  Like 5 years overdue.  We haven't done much but mow the grass since we moved here July 2007.  But we're making up for that now.  Thanks to riding friend Steve (and his Bobcat and 20yd dumpster), we got rid of a HUGE brush pile that's been nagging me - and nagging the Mrs even more - for far too long.  And Kim - another riding friend - turned me on to a very inexpensive sourch of bark chip mulch.  Five (5) truckloads later, and the ol' plantation is finally starting to look like someone lives here.  We even have little baby grasses sprouting up where the brushpile used to be!

When I haven't been doing yard work, I've been doing house work - but that at least has been fun.  I may have mentioned that every week (when work doesn't interfere), a bunch of guys come over to catalog the photo archive holdings of the New Haven Railroad Historical & Technical Association.  We have quite a library - over 15,000 images and growing - and we've already catalogued almost 9,000.  But all those holdings have been taking over the former "bonus room"/den, so I've been buying and installing heavy-duty shelving and generally moving/organizing stuff to make things work better.  It's been a fun project, but it takes time.

Speaking of railroad stuff, another reason for not riding or writing this past month is that I went to the New England Proto Meet and actually did a presentation/clinic with my friend Randy on the steam locomotives of the New Haven Railroad.  Randy did most of the prep and I took care of most of the photos, but we did the presentation together.  Friday was tough since it was SOOOOO nice outside, but Saturday was nice and rainy - perfect for being indoors anyway.

"Rainy" - actually cold & rainy.  That's been the hallmark of the last month and a half.  It's felt more like early October than May/June.  And with so many races being cancelled, and so little riding, it's been tough for me to get in the blogging mood.  But that's soon to change.  The weekend's weather forecast looks sunny and warm, the long term forecast looks good for Tuesday night's Rent' race, and my next "real" race is <gulp> the CT State Crit Championships at East Hartford on June 24th.  Otherwise known as the Keith Berger Memorial Criterium, it's sure to be a sufferfest - especially given my (lack of) form lately.  But I'm looking forward to the butt kicking seeing all the usual suspects and friendly faces - and looking even more forward to finally getting this summer going!

The Hardest Easiest Race

I want to thank all of you that took the time to post a comment and for sharing your thoughts about Markus.  The way our racing community has expressed its support and shared in this loss has been truly amazing and a great comfort.  Time will heal, but we all in our own way will continue to bear the scar of this loss.

Ever since it was announced, I knew there was no other place I could be than at Francis J. Clark Industrial Park this past Sunday morning for a memorial service honoring Markus' memory.  After a very tough week for so many of us, we needed to be together, to encourage each other, and to hopefully - somehow - start healing from what happened.

The rainy weather kept the number of racers down and the fields were smaller than usual, but nothing diminished the outpouring of support during the memorial.  Well over a hundred racers milled about waiting to start the silent lap.  When Markus' team, Pawling Cycle, decided to go to the site for a few moments of silence, everybody else decided to follow them, not quite sure what else to do.  Once they came back, the owner of Pawling Cycle made some very moving remarks and then everybody went on the official lap.  SDC, the series promoter, shared some thoughts as well, and then the rest of the day's racing continued.

It was cold and raw, so most folks were content to hang out in Panificio Navona, eating snacks & sipping coffee.  Those that were watching the Cat4 race, though, got to witness something special.  Brandon Freyer of Pawling Cycle won the race, pointing to the sky as he crossed the line.

Seeing the next race, then the race after that, was a strange experience.  Things seemed to get back to normal a little bit - whatever that means.  Each time the official made his announcements, the whistle blew and I heard the sound of cleats clipping in, it became just a little bit easier to imagine that we could in fact do this again.  We could remember Markus and race as we know he loved to do.

My one race of the day was the Cat3/4 race and it was pretty mellow.  I expected that the wet roads would keep speeds down, and I was totally ok with that.  Being off the bike for almost two weeks, I didn't know what to expect fitness-wise, and I certainly wasn't planning on doing anything aggressive under the day's conditions.  Seems others felt the same way and our race felt more like a fast group ride than an actual race.  Things were spirited here and there, but once a break established up the road - taking all but one of the points with it - folks seemed content to just ride.

There were a few attacks and a couple of times somebody attempted to bridge to the break.  After one of the primes I heard someone yell "yeah - he got it for Markus" and realized that Brandon was one of the guys in the break, and had won that prime.

Though things were subdued, we were still racing and with about 10 laps to go, I asked BJ whether he'd like to try to bridge - I'd see how far I could get him.  I pulled him as far as I could, getting 1/3 of the way up the hill before he launched.  He was out in no man's land for a good three laps, but the break was too strong for him to catch.

As the race wound down, I went back to see whether SDC wanted to do anything for the end.  We thought all the points were up the road, so decided we'd just ride.  I wanted to get one more hard effort in, though, so with about 5 laps to go, I took off.  Friend Esteban came up to me a lap later and we started trading pulls - him doing much of the work and me fading fast.  I'm not usually one to be in a break, or a chase group, much preferring to stay in the shelter of the pack til the end.  But we held together until the start of the bell lap, when I came off going around corner one.

We'd gotten a pretty good gap on the field by that point, but I heard later that the break had almost lapped us.  Unfortunately, the gap wasn't enough for me to hold off the pack, and I got swamped going up the hill toward the finish.  The only good thing for my race was seeing teammate SDC - or rather hearing him - whoosh, whoosh, whooshing up the right side, winning the field sprint for 7th.  Just outside the points.  Esteban had come in 6th & I wished even more that I'd been able to hang on for just one more lap.

Despite how hard I'd made the final laps on myself, all the numbers on my Garmin said it was an easy race.  But it was one of the toughest I've ever been in emotionally.  I can only imagine that it was even tougher for others.  Markus was never far from our minds, and I don't expect that he ever will be as long as we race here.

And that may be one of the best memorials to his memory there can be.  Everybody wants to be remembered in some way, to have some validation that they mattered and were important to somebody.  The thoughts and words shared Sunday morning certainly expressed what Markus meant to so many whose lives he touched.  But whether we knew him personally or not, I know that every time we race the Bethel Spring Series, his memory will continue to live in our hearts.

 

Markus Bohler, In Memoriam

Last Sunday was a beautiful, sunny day - one of many we've had during this warmer-than-normal March.  It promised a spectacular day for racing, but I was home sick, missing my first Bethel race in years.

That afternoon, I got the first news that something had gone very wrong on this otherwise perfect day.  In the race I'd missed, there'd been a crash and the race was neutralized.  Then cancelled.  One guy was rushed off to the hospital, somebody I didn't know.  But we racers assume the risks of the occasional crash, the occasional broken bone or bike.  So I prayed and hoped that the guys involved in the crash would heal up quickly and get back to racing soon, even if it meant having to listen to the same stories that all of us who've taken a tumble too often tell.  But I wasn't there.  I didn't see what happened.  Those that were, and did, prayed and hoped harder than I could've imagined necessary.

As more reports came in, it became quickly clear that this crash was different.  That the guy who'd been rushed to the hospital was in really bad shape, that he might be there for a while.  Then the speculation started that he actually might not make it.  Please God, No!  That's not the way it's supposed to happen.  Sure, he can be battered & bruised & broken.  But that's it - that's all we agree to when we clip in.  We don't agree to worse.  We can't possibly imagine it.

And then, Monday morning, the worst news of all.  Markus Bohler left us.  Ever since Monday morning - and for many, since Sunday afternoon - it's been hard for a lot of us to get on our bikes.  To do what we love to do.  We take a little more time to be with our families rather than be out riding.  If you're at all like me, you've been in a kind of fog for the last four days.  The feeling of having the wind knocked out of me isn't due only to the severe cold I'm recovering from.

I didn't have the privilege of knowing Markus personally, but I know that I often raced with him.  He was part of our family in the sense that we bike racers are a very close-knit community, and the thoughts and words pouring in from all over the country in tribute to him are evidence that he was one of our best.  Knowing how his passing has affected me, and the darkness it's caused me to confront, I cannot possibly imagine the pain, the heartache and the questioning of those closest to him or anyone that was racing with him that day.  My prayers for them, as well as for Markus' family, continue.

It's cliche almost to the point of being meaningless to say "Life is precious" - "Live each day to its fullest."  We've become experts at denying life's inevitable end to the point such reminders are as common as they are disregarded.  How many of us truly live as if each day could be our last?  You can't truly live if you're always in the shadow of death, but you can't appreciate how blessed life is if you never confront that darkness.  Events like this are cold reminders that we cannot take life for granted. 

My main way of "coping" with such thoughts is to move on and forget as quickly as possible.  But I can't.  Not this time.  The death of a fellow racer, doing nothing wrong, doing what we all love doing, on a track known for its safety, makes no sense at all.  You can't just move on and forget - you have to stop and lift the veil from your own mortality, consider how you spend the precious days you've been blessed with, and what there may be waiting for us on the other side of this life.

Some may be tempted to say "what a waste" and be angry at what happened.  Depending on your perspective, the fact Markus died doing what he loved is either the highest privilege or the cruellest irony.  But even in the middle of this tragedy there are glimmers of consolation: the overwhelming outpouring of love and support of friends, the generosity and kindness of strangers, the eradication of the complacency (even if only temporarily) that life and loved ones can ever be taken for granted.

One of life's paradoxes is that we sometimes learn the most about a person after they've left us, from the people who knew him best.  Their testimony is evidence of a life lived, whether well or poorly.  Everything I've heard about Markus is that he lived his life well, he was highly respected by all who knew him, and could often be seen encouraging or helping others, whether on the track or off.  His legacy is one we could all be proud to call our own and we owe a debt of gratitude to his family for sharing him with us.

There are a number of ways we can offer some comfort to them and help preserve the memory of our friend and fellow-racer.  You can read about one such effort here.  There will also be a memorial service/ride at the track this Sunday morning and you can learn more about that here.

Hopefully, as we draw together as a family and allow healing to take place, we'll again be able to ride and race, doing what we love to do, treating each and every day as the gift that it is.  I can't think of a better way to honor Markus' memory.